Coming home!!!!

November18, 2015

Take off. Jet engines roar as momentum presses my body back into this narrow seat which will serve as a bed for 17 hours tonight.  Rapidly soaring, this jet climbs higher-  taking us away from beautiful Africa towards HOME, carrying my soaring heart with it.  Almost in desperatation my fingers text these words- my Phone serves as a distraction and a way to record this long awaited and fervently battled for moment in time. 
Being this high above solid ground for 17 hours is on my list of fears and I’ve prayed not to have a panic attack in front of the kids.
(Hard to believe skydiving was fun to me during years of naive youth.)
Yet. My heart is full beyond words. Has this dream really come true!!??? Will I awaken again from this beautiful dream? No. This time it’s real. THIS time I’ll awaken and Mohale will still be our African son. 
As my heart is full, amazement is an even greater emotion tonight. 
Why?

Because I don’t deserve this kind of gift. 
I’m not strong in faith.
Fear, not faith, seems to characterize my natural tendency. 
But this week we will tuck Mohale into bed at HOME- an honor resulting from multiple miracles over several years- each one happening as my heart fretted. 
God melts my heart. I fear. He is faithful.  I’m weak, unskilled, even naturally insecure and shy- He is faithful.
Does that resonate with anyone?  
Our inadequacy is irrelevant when Love is calling because 
He never leaves us alone. 
The dream materialized far more complex and treasure-filled than anyone could have imagined. As I write, our seven children quietly watch the city lights far below.  Seven children- three biological miracles and now four adopted miracles.   
I’m shaking my head remembering how I’d wanted to visit Africa since age 6. 
Adoption was in my heart since age 8. I desired children of many colors and stories. 
Why???  
Because He puts desires into our hearts. 
What desires are in your heart? 
What seemingly unimportant or too-far-fetched and even seemingly unimportant desires have you lost behind years of unmet promises, discouragement, failures, shattered dreams and
broken hearts?  
Do fear and discouragement threaten to keep you captive as they do me?  
Can I encourage you?
 We do not have to be slaves to fear.
Brokenness is part of the journey- it brings beauty to dreams yet to materialize.
Don’t give up. Keep on knocking.  Pursue Him. Pursue  that which is unique within your heart. 
Because of Him, we are not held captive to fear- we can knock even when the Bully, Fear, attempts to hold us captive. 
Perfect love casts out all fear. 1 John 4:18
To me this has taken on a new meaning. 
Because He loves, I can move forward in spite of my fears.  We may feel fear, but we don’t have to be held back by it.
He is faithful. 
So faithful:
Beautiful faithfulness. 

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