GRATEFUL ON MOTHER’S DAY!!
This is my first Mother’s Day with ALL SEVEN treasures home!!!
To my kids-
My heart overflows with grateful love beyond description for each of you.
Thank you for being you.
Thank u for grace and laughter as we figure this parenting thing out on each of you.
I LOVED THIS DAY WITH EACH OF YOU!
YOU MELT MY HEART!
Because we are all broken,
And because Mothers Day can have a way of reminding me how short I fall of perfection,
I want to share gratefulness for
MY BROKEN MOM
(Her story is here: birth mom
2 Corinthians 12:9 “(God’s) grace is all you need. (His) power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to rejouce in my weaknesses,…. For when I am weak, then I am strong…”
In our brokenness- our grief, mistakes, losses, failures, striving, loneliness, ugliness, obstacles, chains, challenges, hurts, imperfections- in our broken life- He’s there leading us, holding our lambs close and breathing purpose through those cracks.
As I held my little boys’ beautiful, smooth, tiny hands this week,
my mind flashed heart strings back decades ago…
back to when my hands were small and smooth against hers- worn and hard working- Mom’s voice is nearly audible within my bank of savored memories, spoken long ago- “Christy, your young hands are smooth and beautiful, I remember my hands against my grandmothers- her’s looked like mine do now. I would play with her veins which popped up…” she laughed and then continued “In my aching and desperately lonely childhood, Grandma was one who loved me- I lived for summers because they’d send me away to her.” She paused and then looked at me- her arctic blue eyes were bright between locks of aging deep red hair, “Christy, you won’t grasp how much I love you until you become a mother…” I saw the eagerness in her eyes for me to understand. My 10-year-old heart couldn’t understand- because I loved her with all my heart- how could love be greater than that?
Yet now, seven times over,
I get it.
And I get the struggle that comes from desperately wanting them to understand my love for them- in spite of my brokenness and mistakes- in spite of the times I’ve had a bad “moment” and in spite of my inability to express love this vast in it’s purest form. I get the striving and failing and then the freedom that comes when I surrender to our Redeemer. I get the absolute incredible JOY of being in love beyond my heart’s capacity for seven unique treasures.
I get the heart bursting emotions that explode with grateful amazement as I watch my children beautifully bloom- each one unique.
I now daily drink in a love that would jump to take pain or death in their place.
I now understand that look in her eyes from so long ago.
Mom, I now understand how much you love me…
Mom, through you and God, I learned
In our world filled with unobtainable standards and comparisons,
that is a GIFT.
Mom, your’s was a rare and transparent love-
humble, exposed and honest-
not a performing, unobtainable striving-to-look-perfect kind of love.
Yours was a love from above-
poured out through brokenness in it’s purest form.
Mom, because you did not follow the push towards perfection, because you have been real and allowed your broken heart to show, because you sought our Heavenly Father at every turn as you felt weak and unable to parent, because you were humble, real, and honest, you have been a better mother than you can dare to imagine. You relied on His strength in your weaknesses. You relied on His redemption in your mistakes, You became my model for parenting– to Be Real, not perfect and Let HIM do the rest. You continue to coach me in my mistakes- “Turn to Him, He will show you what to do- as many times a day as you need to.” You continue to remind me “Don’t seek the approval of others! Don’t compare! Eyes on Him who adores you constantly!”
I love the way you put your mistakes out there and laugh out loud!
That is freedom our world needs.
That’s the freedom I crave at every failure- and lately, in this season, there seam to be many.
You pointed us to Him (and not to yourself or any human”authorities”) to learn about True and redemptive love. You modeled the unconditional acceptance you had experienced from Him. Never ever have I felt that it was possible to get you to reject me. You did not hold yourself up, but pointed to His love. Because you were broken, HIS LIGHT OF LOVE SHINES THROUGH YOU AND CHANGED ME and I’ve seen it be a source of change for more women and men that I could ever count.
My goal, is to be openly broken, imperfect, to be real, before my children-
And then to let them see HIS unconditional redeeming love.
Mom reminds me often in this season of intense parenting and toddler tantrums that
“Christy, turn to Him multiple times a day if necessary- He will direct you in parenting their hearts- and redeeming even your blunders into beauty in His time…”
Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. Psalm 37:24
We are ALL broken.
Our brokenness and uniqueness makes us especially beautiful in HIs hands!!
Often I’ve locked myself in the bathroom, closet or under the covers and cried out of desperate feelings of loneliness, failure and overwhelming burdens of regret-
And then hope floods in…
Discouraged hearts- in any walk of life,
can I encourage you?
HE CAME TO SET US FREE.
He came to bring good news to the poor, proclaim that captives be set free, give sight to the blind and set the oppressed free. (Luke 4:18)
There are no scars and no mistakes that cannot be turned into purpose when placed into His hands!
Those who have the greatest scars, in His hands, become the vessels of greatest hope and beauty.
This includes our children!
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
We can enjoy the freedom that comes from purpose breathed into every mistake.
And even one hour at a time, we can seek direction from our redeeming Shepherd on how to parent our children…
He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.
I will guide you with my eye.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.
I will guide you with my eye.
Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Celebrating and enjoying the honor of being a broken mom today to seven miracles from heaven.