I’ve struggled to journal since Dad was diagnosed in 2018. Somehow, even journaling seemed overwhelming in our grief. Grief bites deep. Writing this journal entry feels like a nightmare come true… cancer happened. Dad actually died. And Mom is now in a memory care facility. Reflecting back to September 29, 2020. Icy cold hearts beat […]
You are the beauty in someones hard place.
My heart feels like it’s literally drowning in failure, overwhelm and discouragement today- and in gratefulness. This morning was horribly difficult and intense with between caring for my father and our beloved little ones who struggle. I am grateful for this rare moment alone to regroup on a beautiful and quiet spring day before heading […]
Happy fifth Birthday Jaedon!
5 years ago today a broken heart spilled grief as her as her body delivered her struggling 5lb treasure- knowing he’d be torn away from her. We would not hear of him until 5 days later. We were just preparing to drive out of the COSTCO parking lot. Our 5 kids were finally […]
Broken hearts need hope…
Comfort others with the comfort you’ve been given… 1 Corinthians 1:4 Tears of grief, laced with anxiety attacks, insomnia and depression… this is the normal of for too many who suffer from hearts that have been shattered. Tired mama’s of children from hard places sit alone behind bathroom doors. The weight of failure and exhaustion […]
We blinked. ianna, our first miracle baby, turned 18 yesterday. Our precious, tiny orange-haired, fairy princess is gone. In her place stands my powerful friend with her beautiful heart. What a miracle she was and is. Her wisdom and kindness bless our family and those around her. She’s more of a gift than I could […]
As we support and pray for my dad through his recent diagnosis of stage 4 cancer, we were blindsided by the uninvited and cruel nature of life’s brevity once again… My uncle Bruce Howdle, Dad’s youngest brother, healthy and thriving with his wife and adult son, suddenly passed away just over a week ago. I […]
As I sit next to my dad in the doctor’s office waiting area, I distract myself by flipping through photos from yesterday… Alyssa’s eyes catch mine. Her expression speaks volumes to my heart this week. Behind her, smoke fades life from the beautiful mountains that surround communities near Tahoe where my parents live. Cancer. Melanoma. […]
Info event: Foster care and adoption.
Join us on June 3 at Saddleback church, San Diego at 12:30 to learn of numerous ways to wrap around these precious ones in the San Diego County foster care system. Perhaps beauty will spring up from the hope we water onto their dry ashes. It the recent Valley of Grief that our family has […]
Beauty out of ashes…
New beauty caught my grieving eyes on our evening walk and I could not look away. Beauty this rich can only come out of ashes. Grief recently poured over our family like a raging fire when Ed Stinson, David’s hero father, died in March. Grief can suck the freakin life out of our lungs. Ashes. […]
Remembering the day I first held precious Sierra
Today as rare cold and moist California weather whipped through my hair at the gas station pump, this memory flashed into my heart. Exactly eight years ago this photo was taken as I carried precious, nine month old Sierra through through unusual grey, whipping cool California mist from her foster home to our car. Love […]