blind faith. Pondering this year.

October 29, 2014
Blind faith.  The entire first chapter of this adoption journey felt blind…and this is normal for paper pregnancies. It’s normal for any risk God places into your heart.   Passionately, we spent months chasing after two children we did not know existed (we thought they were both in Africa.)  We spent endless hours and every penny we could gather on the ransom for children whose names or faces we were unaware of.  Countess nights I laid awake wondering if we were insane for stepping out and making our hearts vulnerable and spending all of our savings and beyond…because what if this is all a cruel scam…

Countless mornings I’d awake to see empty beds and I’d ache for vulnerable children in desperate need of parents….and I’d cry tears over children praying God will give them parents and for birth mothers who fear for their children’s future. (I still do.)  My heart breaks for mom’s who know they will soon die and who fear what will become of their children…especially in places where food and medication are scarce and child exploitation is common. 
Then a phone call changed everything.  Again.  
Baby “J—–” came.  He was born right here in San Diego County and is the biological brother to our littlest daughters.  God’s treasures are not always where we imagine.
I grieved the pain that brought him to us from another mom’s broken heart. We adored him and I panicked- wondering if we’d loose him and our hearts and especially our children’s hearts would be broken.  In the dark of the night as I pondered the last miracles that brought Sierra and Alyssa into our arms, words fell onto my heart…”Let Me write your story.
In the morning a song came onto the radio “when I wake up in the land of glory, with the saints I will tell my story, and there’s just One Name that I’ll proclaim.” (The Only Name by Big Daddy Weave.)  That song is on repeat on my iPhone.

Only days later, another phone call changed our lives again.  An orphaned little boy in Lesotho needed parents. Mohale’s precious face showed up on our email.  
I believe that God is writing another chapter of His story.  He is fulfilling the desires that He placed into our hearts.  Did you know that desires you have are likely from God? What passion or dream do you have?  I have no doubt that the desire to adopt two little boys was put into our children’s hearts and our hearts because God knew TWO little boys would be in need of adoption… one from San Diego County and one in Lesotho, Africa.  Why do I still fear?  Trying with all my might to “be still and know that He is God.” Yet, as weak and fearful as I tend to be, my heart is filled with amazement.  It’s worth every fearful hour and every single tear.   If you are on a journey of risk from a desire He has burned into your heart, know, He is FAITHFUL even when we are afraid.  He is faithful.  Even in loss, grief, tragedy, disappointment and delay.  Remembering Him today.  It is not safe nor comfortable to Follow Him. But we are always safe in His hands through the storms He asks us to follow Him into…and more often than not, those storms surround hurting people in need of Jesus’ comfort through broken people.
Are you pondering a risk for Him? Ohhhh I challenge you to risk for Him. You may loose much. You may get hurt. Your heart could break. Yet, all will pale in comparison to what is gained in brokenness- a closeness to the One who keeps you close…this One Who is close to the broken-hearted. What a gift!  Don’t miss out if He’s asking you to jump.  

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